no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
