drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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