it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
