Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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