She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
