Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Randomize
