I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
