I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I think I have vodka in my lungs
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
