I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
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