dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
