my vag is so smooth its legendary
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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