I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
