Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
