I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
