You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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