Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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