I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
