According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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