I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
