he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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