i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
