Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
