Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Randomize
