Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
