Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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