You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
