Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
