how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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