let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
