i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
