Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
it was like his penis was on wheels.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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