You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
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We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
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I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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