i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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