the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
