Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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