I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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