DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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