its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Randomize
