I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
