She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
