Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
