Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
