If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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