I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
