Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
