i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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