they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
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Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
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Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Your penis caused this!
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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