So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
FUCK WHALES
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
