I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
