you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
