wat bout pragnant strippers??
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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