My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
It's just like the Real World with babies
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
