I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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