textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
You're earring is so big in my mouth
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
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She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
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