I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
