the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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