Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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