After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
