I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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