so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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