She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
