I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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