I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
My pussy is not your playground.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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