We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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