Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
