Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
