U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
