Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
