Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
