haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
