dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
