'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
