It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
