i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
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