i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
