I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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