I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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