i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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