I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
