i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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