i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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